Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Good stuff...and an obit

"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table."—President Bush, Brussels, Belgium, Feb. 22, 2005

Classic! Actually, I understand why he says it: 1) he knows we don't have to capability to really attack Iran right now. 2) He's trying to bluff Iran into believing we can (although they're not that dumb). I probably wouldn't have thought of anything better to say, and to be honest it's pretty coherent as far as one of Bush's sentences goes. Still funny though.

A comment on Hunter S. Thompson - I've never read much of his stuff, although I read Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail when I was working for a political consulting and polling company right out of college. I thought it was pretty good, if I recall. I think I'd probably enjoy it more now that I'm a little less naive. To be honest, my more intimate connection to Thompson comes from the character of Uncle Duke in Doonesbury, which I have followed quasi-religiously for the last couple of years. He is, by far, my favorite character and really cracks me up. His implicit critique of the Bush Administration is hilarious and although I know Thompson never appreciated the send-up, I think it's quite a tribute. Anyway, below is the official Doonesbury biography for Uncle Duke. Even reading this, a summary of a parody, gives some insight into Hunter S. Thompson (I think). I hope that Trudeau continues with the character despite the loss of the inspiration.

Some people regard "Uncle" Duke, a rabid controlled-substances buff, as " the High Lord of Inner Space." But in fact he has a long record, some of it involving public service. Few writers at Rolling Stone have been able to move on to something as substantial as Governor of American Samoa, which led to a post as Ambassador to China. Following his triumph in Peking, Mr. Duke enjoyed a brief career as a laetrile farmer. After applying for jobs as President of Yale and head of ABC News, he made a name for himself as General Manager of the Washington Redskins. His experience packing heat led him to serve as a lobbyist for the NRA, followed by some sensitive work in Iran for Universal Petroleum. After bargaining for his life before a firing squad, Mr. Duke disappeared for l7 months, then surfaced as "the 53rd hostage." Upon release he settled down as a drug smuggler in Florida, a career cut short by an ill-fated sightseeing cruise to the Falklands War. Following his rescue from Matagorda Island, Duke became entangled in Hollywood politics, the John Delorean story, and a major cocaine bust.
Abruptly moving to Haiti, he opened the Baby Doc College of Offshore Medicine. Discovered more inert than usual one morning, he was pronounced dead, which led the St. Petersburg Times to run a full obituary. Fortunately it turned out that Duke was not dead, only zombified and sold into slavery. A friend noted, "Frankly, he could use the discipline." After losing his condom company to John Gotti over a bad loan, Duke took a much-deserved rest in Bellevue, returned to active duty as captain of the Trump Princess, then rescued his former translator and devoted love-slave Honey Huan from China.
Tapped by George Bush to serve as Maximum Proconsul in post-invasion Panama, he moved on to smuggle guns to the Kuwaiti resistance, then opened Club Scud, a popular wartime watering hole in Kuwait City. After working on David Duke's campaign, he moved into the "nonprofit" sector, opening Nothing But Orphans. One of his first charges, according to DNA test results, was a long-lost son, Earl. Abandoning the orphans and Ms. Huan, father and son lived in a trailer in Las Vegas, pursuing the gaming arts and trafficking in stolen Beanie Babies.
His stint as a key advisor to Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura led Duke to make a run at the White House. The "Duke2000 -- Whatever It Takes" campaign, headquartered in a motel in Coon Rapids, Minnesota, was a resounding failure, despite the efforts of campaign manager "Mini-D" and corporate sponsorships by heavy hitters Lipton Tea and Absolut Vodka. A successful business trafficking in stem cells was followed by a lucrative involvement in the messy fallout from the Enron scandal. As conflict with Iraq loomed, Duke made a return to government work, taking up a post as Viceroy-in-Waiting.


At 9:14 AM, Blogger romeotheBT said...

Do you think that I have the attention span to read all that?

At 2:15 PM, Blogger Ricardo Grande said...

You know, you go out of town and I try to hold down the fort, and this is the thanks I get. :)

At 3:35 PM, Blogger romeotheBT said...

Sorry, most of that was from Doonesbury anyway. I've never been a big fan... If I want far left humor, I'll read Family Circus.


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